Jennifer (skyblu683) wrote,
Jennifer
skyblu683

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Things They Don't Teach You At St. Thomas

Well here we are the night before my first class of senior year. I can hardly believe that I have made it this far. Does anyone else feel that their time at college has just flown by? Today I sat and reminisced for a while and went back to move-in day of freshman year. How I was so relieved to know my two WB roommates Cori and Alyssa, and so excited to move out, and so absolutely nervous about not having what it takes to succeed. And you know what? That seriously seems like just yesterday - 18 years old with no experience in this world and ready for it all. I was still stuck on those high school things - still madly in love with my group of friends, dying inside over the loss of the boy I was in love with all year, still afraid to stay out past 12 for fear that my mom would be up in my room waiting for me (!) and still thinking I could ace school without an effort or a care. Yesterday I would have called that immaturity. In this moment that's just plain innocence.

And now being on the verge of my fourth year here I realize that I still have those feelings, maybe not all in the same exact versions, but nevertheless the same. I guess I haven't changed, really, as much as I thought I did. I still have the same insecurities, the same doubts, the same hopes and dreams as I did four years ago. All that is different are the people, the places, and the things that surround me. Is that normal? Part of me thinks that other people feel like that yet another part of me just yearns to feel like I've accomplished something more than a GPA and 3/4 of a bachelor's degree. There are days when I've wished these few coming years away in order to be outta here and into the "real" world because that's what I thought I wanted. But at this moment that is all ridiculous. In reality, I'm really frightened. I have so much growing up to do before I head out of this place and into the real world. They don't teach you those kinds of things in college. I guess deep down I know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be and I guess it's taken me the last three years to find that out.

Ah well. I guess it's probably a good thing to be able to look back on those last few years with a smile and realize that I'm still me. Who the hell cares if I'm just as nervous, scared, excited, naive as I was when I got here. No matter who, what, when, where, why the situation I've stood the test of time - and I will continue to do so for the rest of my time here.
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